William Bullard


At the end of January, I spent three days in the hospital and was diagnosed with a disorder known as Myasthenia Gravis, an autoimmune deficiency disorder causing the immune system to attack the connection between the nervous system and the muscles. While I was in the hospital, I started taking the medication that manages the symptoms associated with Myasthenia Gravis, and was closely monitored to ensure that the medication was working. Associated with MG are several symptoms, which manifest through exertion. Beyond monitoring, my doctors needed to be certain that MG was in fact the correct diagnosis, because there is another, more serious disorder that has similar symptoms. With the aid of testing devices, including a Kat Scan and a muscle testing device, my doctors determined that I have Myasthenia Gravis. These constituents affect my physical health. However, this is only one important part of my experience, although for many people, it would be the only important constituent. Coinciding with these physical elements, I have begun a new phase of my individuation process. Whatever exists in the visible world, what many consider to be the only reality, has an underlying reality that is “invisible.” To have a full experience in living, people need to recognize this reality and allow it to be the foundation for the visible world. Unfortunately, many people, at least in the Western world, will only recognize the visible world, and consider that the visible world has no other foundation. As Carl Jung says, “The idea that anything could be real or true which does not come from outside has hardly begun to dawn on contemporary man.” The difficulty with recognizing what is “real and true which does not come from outside” persists in current times. However, there are signs that whereas, for example, the humanities are being invaded by cognitive and computer oriented sciences, there is also a countering resurgence, which may yet be smaller in stature, an interest in looking to the inner world. This is not as vibrant as the interest that manifested in the 1980s and 1990s, when New Age activity was manifest, but it shows that the New Age is still alive. Many people are acutely aware that the only reality, the only “real” is what begins in the inner world and then manifests in the outer world. This is what the Gospel says when it talks of the Light shining in the darkness. As humankind is struggling to “fix” the effects of manmade climate disaster, people more than ever need to listen to the inner reality for the solution.

This is current with me, in my own world, being one who works with my inner process. Being in the hospital put me in a space that was outside the normal flow of life, and thus a process began. I quickly moved further to develop this space and quickly began to experience further inner change, directed by my inner voice. This is as important as my physical health and process.


© 2016 William Bullard

The Big Windows Review 7 (Spring 2016)